“DONT BOTHER COMING HOME”
“GONNA SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE.”
"I ACCIDENTALLY HAD SEX WITH IT."
"NOW WE’RE IN LOVE"
I will never not love dog texts.
Once I was walking home with some law school friends and they were like ”Why are you walking up that street your street is like three more streets up”
"Yeah but there’s a house on this street and sometimes their golden retriever naps in the sun on the sidewalk and I like to give him belly rubs"
Now all the law students walk up belly rub lane because law school is stressful and dogs rock
I bet that is the happiest dog
belly rub lane
leggings as pants are fine as long as i can’t see your vagina outline like i’m not signing up for that shit
because it’s all a big secret right
NO I JUST REALLY DON’T WANNA SEE OTHER GIRLS’ VAGINAS OK MY GOD THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL ISSUE I JUST DON’T LIKE LOOKING AT STRANGERS’ GENITALS
So one time, one of my guy friends said, “I’m pretty sure I’m straight but I’ve never slept with a man so how do I know for sure if I’m not bisexual or gay” and so he actually went and picked up a guy, had sex with him and after ward he said, “Well that was fun but I appear to be straight.” and just went on with his life without making a big deal about his dip into homosexuality and really, I think everybody should be this relaxed about sexualities
Become a figure skater they said
it will be fun they said
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW
THIS IS A TRUMPET
THIS IS A TROMBONE
THIS IS A TUBA
AND THIS IS A FRENCH HORN
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
You mean trumpet
Big ass trumpet
I’M GONNA PUNCH YOU
AT LEAST YOUR INSTRUMENTS LOOK DIFFERENT
those are some fancy guitars
i am literally the only person in my history class who has been turning in work consistently all year and i just got an email from my professor saying that if i’m not feeling up to it i dont have to bother writing the 18 page final paper he assigned i just have to not tell anybody god is real
For a while i thought you meant that you had to not tell people that god was real.
This is why punctuation was created
"No homo" cries the team at the dig site. The head archaeologist sinks to his knees, sobbing. He has dedicated his entire career to the pursuit of homo habilis, an important part of the hominid evolutionary line. All his work led up to this archaeological dig site. But now, his whole life has been for nothing. There is no homo….there is only Australopithecus.
I read this to a group of archaeologists and they completely lost their shit
They were only allowed to bring one sheet to the physics exam…
I’m in awe.
Time to show some love and appreciate these heroes.
Firefighters are some badass mutha fuckas
firefighters are incredibly under appreciated, this is sadly the first appreciation post to them and we need more of these, they literally walk through hell to pick up people and pull them out, they are all Castiels if all civilians are Deans, and they save animals, treating all like humans, i have never heard of a firefighter that has chosen not to save someone for there race or sex or sexuality or anything, a human is a human and an animal is an animal, i love these people and they don’t deserve to be ignored as much as they are
Can we just pick a day and trend our love for firefighters worldwide?
Is there a firefighters day?
Intl FireFighters Day is May 4, because they are all secretly jedis I assume.